Break-ups, Realizations, Miscellania

  • Mar. 12th, 2016 at 4:22 AM
thevoidalone: (Default)
So, here it is again, another year and some months since the last time I posted. I'm sorry personal blogs, I do not mean to neglect you, but time has a nasty habit of slipping away on me. I do want to kind of start writing at least weekly summaries of what the fuck has been going on in my life. Cause sometimes memory gets a bit spotty, especially when you're stressed. But, I digress.

There's a lot that's happened since the last time I wrote in the blog, so I will focus on the recent past, up until the present.

Let's start with probably the most significant thing. Jessica. I met her through a group of mutual friends that I had met years ago, on tumblr. At first we didn't talk in private, but soon enough during one of our group calls where we answered surveys together, we both dropped hints that we wanted to maybe get to know each other better, and see where it went. We talked for about a week before I asked her out on a skype date, and we watched some movies together. After the movie we stayed up all night talking, and decided that we were officially going to be a couple. I went on vacation with my parents in early October (which I will cover in a separate section), and then right after we got home, I turned around and went and visited her in Oklahoma. The visit went well, and we were pretty head-over-heels in love after that. Things were fine until the end of December, when she went to visit her other partners (the same mutual friends that introduced us, she's poly, and so am I; The catch was she wanted me to be monogamous for her. She could not handle me being with anyone else for some reason. I went along with it, but it seems like a mistake in hindsight). After she got home she was very much withdrawn and depressed. That is okay, it's going to happen sometimes.

But days of no communication turned into weeks, weeks into a couple of month. I knew something was amiss. Turns out a new fella that we all knew, because they were an ex of one of the people that introduced us, had been visiting her the at the beginning of February. She did not mention this to any of us, and although she maintains that she didn't cheat, everything in my being, and her behavior said otherwise. I decided right then and there that neither of us were happy in the situation for whatever reason, and parted ways. It's odd, I was deeply in love with this woman, and when things were starting to go off the rails, and until the very end I was fighting for us. Now that it's been over for a little bit of time, i've processed all of the stuff, and the anger has faded. I'm left with simple confusion over why she felt the need to hide something from me, when the terms of our relationship allowed for what she was doing as long as it was in the open.

Now that I got that out of the way, I mentioned my vacation with my parents. We went to Branson, Missouri. We had a good time at all of the shows we saw, and we all got to spend some good quality time together. My favorite parts of the trip were when I got to go off on my own. The first of those things being to take a trip through the Titanic museum they have there. The outside has a life-size replication of the front however-much of the ship.

Me standing in front of the Titanic Museum, in Branson, Missouri

There's me standing in front of it, just for reference. They had a bunch of artifacts from the actual ship, a lot of replicas and models of the different mechanical things on the ship, and information about all of her passengers. They also had simulations of the inclines that people on the deck would have faced when the ship was sinking, and a bucket full of water cooled to the recorded water temperature the night of the sinking with a clock to challenge yourself to see how long you can keep your hand in there. I was able to keep my hand in there for a minute and a half, which is a long time, but pain sets in about 20 seconds after our body comes into contact with the water. The other cool thing was that I got my first tattoo. It's the letter "O" from the logo for the band Opeth, which they are one of my favorite bands. I chose this as my first one for a few reasons. The design of the letter "O" is ornate, and looks good regardless of whether or not you know the band or not. While it obviously is something I got to symbolize my love for the band, it's also something to symbolize my love for music, and especially metal as a whole.

Here is my tattoo in all it's glory:



So, the last 6 months or so emotionally have been a roller coaster. From soaring highs, to abyssal lows. But, I've come back to baseline, and in the past couple of weeks have been reaching out into the internet to have some new social experiences, and I said what the hey and decided to take the plunge into websites that are specifically for dating. Since I took a little break from one of my 2 main social circles online because of the fact that they were all very intertwined with the person I had just gotten out of a relationship from, I decided to seek out human contact elsewhere. That let me to two places. Reddit and OkCupid. It's getting late so I won't recount the Reddit (a skype group) story here, but let me tell you about OkCupid. I make my profile and in the first hour or so I get a message from a girl who lives a couple hours away from me. At first she seems cool. We have a good chat, and what have you. I go to bed, wake up the next morning to an "I love you" message on my skype. I was extremely uncomfortable with this, and was honest and told her so. She proceeded to flip out on me, and say I was an asshole. I proceeded to block her means of communication with me. To put it tactfully, I just did not see it working out at all. Hopefully I have better luck in the future. There's more to say, but I will post those things tomorrow. Mainly the reddit story, and my realization that I really am polyamorous.